I came across dating tips for shy guys by Toni Nova on Squidoo.com. I find it interesting partly because the tips are pretty much relevant not just for dating, but generally for you to succeed in your daily activities, especially if you are a shy guy. The examples that I am showing are in orange color.

"Quick dating tip #1... Get the skill, not the girl.
--->The most important thing when getting to know new people is to be sincere!!!

Most guys I know approach attractive women with a definite agenda in their mind.

They look at how hot she is and think to themselves, "Damn, that chick is fine... Look at those big melons. I'd sure like to get her digits, take her out on a date and then hopefully stick my head in between those things by the end of the night"

Or they think, "Jeez, she is hot, it's been months since I've had sex with someone else besides my right palm. She could end this miserable dry spell and maybe I could start spending my money on condoms instead of lotion and paper towels."

All joking aside, when a guy is too emotionally invested in getting a girl's number, taking her out or having sex with her, the woman he's talking to can smell his neediness from a mile away.

So here's my advice to you:

Since your trying to build your skills with approaching and talking to attractive women you should have only one agenda...

The next time you see a woman you're attracted to I don't want you to think about phone numbers, dates or sex.

Detach from all that for now.

Just think about her as an opportunity to gain a little experience and build up your skills with women.

And guess what?

She'll be able to pick up on your lack of neediness and it will make you much more attractive.

Plus, you'll be much more likely to go up to her in the first place because you're not putting any pressure on yourself.

And the more you approach women the more you WILL build your skills with them.

Quick dating tip #2... Change the meaning of "rejection"
--->Very important. It will totally change your mindset. When you are rejected for something (friendship, job etc ), treat it not as if you are not good enough, but as your lack of marketing/presentation skills. Example, if you failed to get a job after interview, it does not mean you are not qualified, but your might not have successfully "wow" the interviewer. Improve on your self-marketing skills.

Back in the dfoays when I would attempt to talk to a hot woman and she acted cold, indifferent, rude or bitchy, it almost always made me feel like dirt.

I would take it personally.

I would start to draw some very disempowering conclusions from her response to me, like maybe I'm not tall enough, or maybe I'm not good looking enough.

And I know a ton of guys who do the same thing.

Are you one of them by any chance?

Here's why that is SO bad...

Your brain is a very sophisticated piece of machinery and it will always look to protect you from danger.

So if your self-worth is at risk every time you try to approach a woman then your brain will automatically look to protect you by coming up with rationalizations, excuses, delay tactics or anything else it can do to prevent you from talking to that woman.

So then what's the answer?

The solution to this problem is to "reframe" or change the way you look at rejection.

Keep this fact in mind:

When you approach a woman who doesn't know you from Adam and she "rejects" you, it's not YOU she's rejecting at all.

How could it be? She doesn't even know you, does she?

The only thing she is rejecting is the approach you made.

And so the only conclusion you should draw is that your approach is flawed and needs some work but YOU are not flawed at all.

Quick dating tip #3... Make sure to warm up.
--->When going for job interview, make sure you warm up first either by striking a conversation with the reception desk person. You might get some helpful tips from him/her!

This is what I see a lot of guys do when they go out...

They walk into a club, bar, lounge or other type of social venue. They stand around with a serious look on their face looking like they're not having such a great time. Then when they see an attractive woman they try to quickly psyche themselves up to go up to her and say something.

This almost never works. Why?

Two reasons...

1. The odds are that almost every woman in the place has already noticed you. They saw you standing around, scanning the room to see where the party is instead of having a good time and being the party yourself.

2. You've been standing around quiet and in a state of low energy for an extended period of time. It's very difficult to just snap your fingers and go from zero to sixty in a couple of seconds and be social, upbeat and talkative.

So here's what to do instead...

Before you attempt to talk to any attractive women make it a point to talk to at least 5 or 10 other people in what ever venue you're in.

What do you say to them?

It really doesn't matter as long as it's light and up beat.

You can make funny comments about your surroundings or ask them questions then start little mini conversations with them and share a few laughs.

The bartender, waiter, busboy, bouncer, the couple standing by your right, the two dudes drinking a beer on your left, and the fat chick in front of you can all be used to warm yourself up and get in a talkative, fun and social mood.

Then when you do see a hottie in your proximity it won't seem like such a big leap to talk to her. You'll already be in a positive and talkative state and because women are highly intuitive she's most likely to pick up on that and find it all the more attractive.

Quick dating tip #4... Choose the right arena
--->If you are a shy guy, best way to meet new people is through online (Facebook etc). You can easily expand your network of friends for hang out activities by getting to know friend's friends.

The first 3 dating tips I've given you so far, can be used in just about any kind of social venue like a club, a lounge or a bar.

But do you want to know what I think?

Of course you do. You wouldn't be reading this if you didn't.

I think those places aren't all that great for meeting women.

Sure, with the lights, the booze, the music and the sexy clothes women wear when they're out, you would certainly assume that you can meet a bunch of women, take them home and do naughty things together but how often does that really happen?

The truth is that there are much better ways to meet women. So do you want to know my all time favorite?

My favorite way to meet women is MySpace and Facebook.

In fact, if you know what you're doing you, me or any other guy can meet more women, on either one of these sites, any night of the week, then we could in a whole weekend of club and bar hopping.

There are hundreds of millions of women on these sites and the majority of them are single.

Because they are in the comfort of their own home, because dozens of other dudes aren't approaching them to hit on them, and because their nosy friends are there watching, these women are SO much more receptive to a guy who says the right things.

But here's the best part and why I have this listed as a dating tip for a shy guy.

MySpace and Facebook can be used as your own personal "flight simulator" for building your skills with women.

Let me explain...

You can shoot out messages to dozens of beautiful, young and single women in just minutes. And you can immediately start working on building your skills with starting conversations, building attraction, flirting back and forth, getting phone numbers and setting up "dates".

And you can do all of this without ever having to risk one single face-to-face rejection.

These sites are like a shy guys best friend. They give you a totally safe arena to work on your skills and meet a whole bunch of women in the process.

I definitely urge you to use them to your advantage.

One last thing...

I hope you found these dating tips for shy guys helpful and I think if you apply them you'll see some definite improvement but... we both know that reading one article isn't really going to be enough to help you have all the options with women you really want and deserve.

So to help you on your journey I'd like to offer you my totally FREE 7 part eCourse.

This eCourse is filled some of my best ideas for everything from meeting women onlineto... building attraction over the phone and of course to... several of my best seduction techniques for picking up women in person."


Squidoo.com (4 Quick Dating Tips for Shy Guys)


  1. Tony on June 24, 2009 at 8:51 AM

    This comment has been removed by the author.

  2. Tony on June 24, 2009 at 9:01 AM

    Glad you enjoyed the article and I hope you apply the things I talked about whether it be for meeting women, going after the career you want or tackling that uncomfortable conversation you've been meaning to have.

    Talk soon. Your friend, Tony Nova

    Tony Nova's blog